This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
