Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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