im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
