Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
