Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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