Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
