im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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