also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
