Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
