why didn't you poke me back
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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