walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
