meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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