I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this boner is exhausting
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
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I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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