And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
