i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
