another moral hangover. fuck.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
