i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
