My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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