Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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