I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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