have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Why is your signature on my underwear?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
