my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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