You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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