My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
