Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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