eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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