she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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