i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
