Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
