Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
