Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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