no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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