i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
