Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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