i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
