I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
