Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
