Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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