Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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