"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
