I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
