you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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