Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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