I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
