This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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