and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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