your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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