id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
