Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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