trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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