just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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