The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
