I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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