You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
