im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
