I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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