he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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