oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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