I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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