I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
