we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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