True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
