Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
