So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
