So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
