Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
