i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
