dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You made out with two different species that night
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
