no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize