i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
