as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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