You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
