Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
