he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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