if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ok first of all what the fuck
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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