I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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