So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
